I fucked up so bad. And now I am almost certain I lost the one thing I asked the Goddess for. I was so specific and all I did was fuck it up when I got what I asked for. All I was trying to do was save him so my daughter would have a father and he wouldn’t kill himself. I thought in leaving I’d remedy the problem and he would stay alive. He certainly stayed alive but I later found out that he was lying about suicidal. So, instead I just threw him away and now I’m afraid I’ll never get him back. What have I done? How could I be so stupid? Why didn’t I fight for it? He said it took one month. I thought I had a bigger place in his heart than for him getting over me to take a whole month. I feel worthless and stupid. I know I probably shouldn’t beat myself up over all of this but it’s difficult not to right now. So is the Tao and so is my karma. It’s amazing how easy it is to disturb the balance in which you seek and how hard it is to get that balance back. I miss him and love him. What have I done? It feels like I ran. I’m such a coward. I knew then what I was getting when I left. It’s just so hard to accept. It feels like I sacrificed it all for nothing. I’m not even sure if it was worth it at this point. Is he happy? It seems like it. Would I make him miserable? I’m not sure. We fought a lot; more than mom and dad by far. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. I shouldn’t be allowed to cry as I’ve done this to myself. I cannot find peace right now. I don’t even think that ridding my bicycle would help at this point. At this point I don’t deserve sympathy. I assume the only thing I honestly would get at this point would be pity. I don’t want anyone’s pity. It makes me feel so weak when I do have it. I hate this part. I know I can go on in despair like this for months. I have before. But never before was I married. Never before was it something that I asked the Goddess specifically for. Never before now. So I have no clue how long this despair, heartbreak, and sadness with last. I’m so sorry that I was so stupid. If I would have known that you weren’t suicidal Kyle, I would have fought tooth and nail for us. I was so scared. I’m sorry. I was such a coward. I’m too late. A part of me knows this. However, he said he’d think about it. But I am just hanging onto that thread. Not a very strong shard of hope at all. A month…. I can’t believe you said it only took a month to get over me…