I thought that this would be easy. It's the weirdest and hardest thing to sit next to him as he flirts with his sisters best friend and he inches away from me slowly as if I'm the most disgusting thing in the world. I know I shouldn't let it bug me. I'd be lying though if I said it didn't. It's amazing to me that the man who used to make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world now makes me feel as if I am the most disgusting vile thing to walk the earth. He doesn't even have to use words. It's just his body language. I wish I could ignore it. It depresses me. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I didn't take my Vitamin D for 2 days because I couldn't find it or because my moon time is approaching. He doesn't deserve me and I know it. He treated me like shit and was inconsiderate. Still is. So why do I let it bug me so much. Why can't I just shut my emotions off? I don't love him.  It's so weird sitting there watching movies of him as a child. Still thinking he's adorable. I can't help but feel like laying my head on his shoulder like I used to. I don't love him. He humiliated me in front of his friends because I suspected he was cheating on me. Never once did he defend me. Never once did he apologize. I've even brought it up and his response was that I never apologized for all the shit I put Roseanne through. This isn't even about Roseanne. I've apologized to her regardless countless times. But he just selectively seems to forget. Fancy that. Oh well. It's in the past and doesn't really fucking matter anyways. I have nothing at this point to be thankful for. Hope anyone out there reading at least does.