Sick Days


 Today, the entire house is sick minus the cats. Boo and Michelle have loads of energy. Gaston is gone at school and all Elskie and I feel like doing is sleeping. We are out of saltines and 7-up. And Juice. And pretty much anything else anyone would need to nurse themselves back to health. I took a bath earlier and practically had to crawl from the bathtub to my bed. I feel so weak. I called Michelle's father because he had left his toothbrush in Michelle's overnight bag. I asked him since he had to come here to retrieve his toothbrush is he'd mind taking me to the store to get some things we needed. He started telling me he didn't think he could because he had to meet a friend to get his books for the term and talk about a study schedule. And that he had to be to work by 3:00 or 3:30. He tried saying that it would take him 40 minutes to get here when in fact, it takes fifteen to get here from PSU. I don't know why it still comes to a surprise to me that his friends and school will always come before Michelle. I don't mind it coming before me anymore. Hell, I'm filing the paperwork for the divorce this week. However, it seriously bothers me that anything comes before his daughter. When he started working at the bookstore they told him that it was a flexible schedule. Besides, it is one's right under the law to miss work when you have a sick kid. I'm sure that Rodney would understand if he was a few minutes late because he had to go to the store. But once again he doesn't have his priorities strait. His priorities will never revolve around his little girl. It will always revolve around his work and social life rather than where it matters most. Michelle constantly tells me whenever I tell her she's going with Kyle that she doesn't want to see him. With the way he treats her, I can't say I blame her.
 In other news, my best friend -whom I'll call Sarin- had a horrible tragedy happen in her family this weekend. Her brother killed himself. I don't know exactly all of the details yet. She had to ID her brother. Sarin thinks that he offed himself because their grandmother who raised them died and he just couldn't handle the grief.
Her and I are trying to make plans to go out together. She told me that if Kyle doesn't follow through with taking me to the store that she may be able to swing by later. Yay. Anyways, I think I am going to try to pick all of this tissue up. I must have used a whole roll last night just on my nose.

 Yesterday Elskie gave me her room and volunteered to sleep in the living room. She had suggested it after I had  mentioned that I think part of the problem with me and Derrick (whom I have affectionately nicknamed Gaston) is that he just doesn't seem to get that I like my privacy in the morning and the fact that I am so used to my privacy and things have been a bit more difficult because of the fact that my bedroom had been the living room I had absolutely no where to escape. She went ahead and told Gaston our plan. He thought it was a silly idea because of the fact that I don't pay rent and Elskie went ahead and told him that she really didn't need that much privacy and really in the end she would be the one with the final say in the whole matter. I just hope this does not prevent conflict further down the road. While I was gone with my mother yesterday and at a job interview for Dick's Sporting Goods Elskie moved everything around. Derrick has not showed me any nasty attitude about the whole thing yet which I am glad for.
 I should be hearing back about the job for Dick's Sporting Goods sometime this week. Applicants are to know by next week if they have a job or not! It's a new store opening so they technically will not be opening until Halloween. In that time we will be working on store set up and training.
 In other news, my father has become a homeowner. I am glad for him naturally. I am a pit peeved though since I was told a few weekends ago that he was going to come up and visit Michelle and I on his vacation. He had all of last week off. This week he will be moving into his new place. He will not be coming to visit us in Portland. I guarantee it. It bums me out a lot. I haven't seen my dad since March. And he's not following through with spending more time with his children and grandchild since Marcella passed away two years ago. In fact, we saw dad more often when Marcella had cancer, was  alive, and dying. We spent just about every holiday with them. And now... he's a Jehovah's Witness and he doesn't celebrate holidays. It's a pity really. Michelle is missing out on my father. I am paying him the respect in being open minded about his faith. However, he was more open minded about mine back before all of this Witness business. I'm trying my best not to be bitter, but it really bugs me when my father seems like he's blowing off his family to save his own ass in the afterlife. Or dare I say it -so he could get some-. Anyways...

 I've noticed random things I have missed since having to the majority of my possessions into storage and having to give the car to my ex (well I didn't have to... the starter was going out and I can't afford to fix that) the things I've actually missed. I've missed my books. My vast variety of books. I'm missed my stereo and blasting music while I play. I miss driving places and blasting music. I miss other things too. Like watching Michelle draw on her easel all day. Anyways, speaking of Michelle she wants some snuggles so I need to stop typing.

Unprepared
 I have this impending feeling looking around at the way things are that many people have not been prepared for this second economic depression in which the media keeps calling a recession for fear that people may go crazy or something. I am not trying to come off as bragging or anything of the sort. However, I feel that since I've been raised my entire life in poverty in felony flats practically that I am prepared for this. I have not emotionaly broke down from my living situation. I am used to living in poverty. There has been stress. But I have not felt completely helpless. I am thankful to my friends whom have let me stay with them with my daughter. My bedroom may be their living room. However we've made it like a room so it's sometimes difficult to tell the difference. It's like living in a studio apartment almost. My friends have been awesome on the most part. There have been a few misunderstandings I think. Or more or less I think it's just because we're in close quarters (three adults, two children, three cats, two bedroom apartment with one bathroom) So we're starting to need space. But we're making do. That's what counts. We have a place to live and food in our bellies.
 Things are slowly looking up. My lovely soon to be ex mother inlaw informed me that if I fill out a waiver that I can get divorced free of charge! YAY!
 I had an interview today for a full time position. I hear back Monday about it. Wish me luck. I have another interview on Monday as well :) I am starting to get more helpful. The rainy cold season is starting here in Portland. My mother was driving me to Michelle's doctor's appointment the other day and it started pissing rain so I stuck my head out the window. It felt nice. . . I have my kitty back. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

 My first client is due next month. Me being on call is fast approaching. I am excited.

Living is St. Johns isn't that bad. It reminds me of SE Portland when I was a kid so I feel comforted by that.

Changes


 It has been a while since I've updated on here. My husband an I are getting a divorce. I don't really care to go into details. Just know it's for the best. On top of this divorce business, we were evicted from the apartment in Gresham. First I was staying with my friend and her family. I'll just call her Sarin. It was too hectic, stressful, and just not a good fit for Michelle and I. So now we've relocated. We're still in Portland. I'm just staying with some dear friends. Right now it's the best fit I could have wished for.
 While I was staying with Sarin I was in a program called Project Enterprise. Then I thought I got rehired on by FedEx. However, they've just opened this new hub on Monday and the HR lady was in charge of a mass hire and screwed things up big time. I am pretty devastated by it because I was certain I had a job. But I have good friends and a roof over my head so I am thankful. I am keeping hopeful. As a result of this mishap however I am now in an strange spot. I have to talk to my worker to get my TANF reinstated and I need to get back on the jobs program. I am trying to keep high hopes. My friends here are wonderful. There is rarely yelling. This has calmed me down significantly. While the neighborhood is not the best, home is what you make it. I feel like a gypsy in a sense. My room right now is a living room. The partitions for my room are tie-dyed tapestries. There are Tibetan flags hanging from the patio at the head of my bed. I miss my cat dearly. However, right now I hope he's in a safe spot. He's also in transition. He was to stay with my sister for a few weeks. He disappeared and then reappeared in Trina's trailer court. My mother had said she was going to take him but now she is changing her story. So that concerns me. I will have to call my sister tomorrow and give her a call to tell her I am working on getting a leash and collar for Neko. Anyways, Michelle is taking the transition hard. She's acting out more. I think it could also be because Sarin's boys are not well behaved and disciplined so Michelle was picking up on that. She's extra clingy. I don't generally mind it unless it's when I'm asleep and there all of a sudden is a cold foot pressing against me.
 The current agenda involves finding a job, paying off the landlord, saving up money, getting divorced, and getting custodial custody of Michelle. Kyle is like Jekyll and Hyde the majority of the time. I don't know really what to expect from him. Elskie had spoke of renting a house with me and my other chum once the lease here is up in November. Boy that would be nice. :)

World Naked Bike Ride!!!!

Saturday June 12th 2010, @ 10pm. It's going to be fucking awesome!!!! I think that they're still working on a location for the starting point. I will be going again :) I may be going to one of the daytime bike rides also if I can :) Will keep updates on other Naked related bicyle goodness as the information comes to me :) Here's a video from last years bike ride. Warning: Naked Portland People on Bicycles.

Tomorrow I have my Labor Doula workshop. I'm really excited about it. Kyle has been getting on my nerves all morning. All he cares about is Michelle not damaging something it seems. He wont even really let her be a little kid and explore. Nor does he really spend quality time with her. It's depressing. He spends too much time on the internet. Sometimes I wish we didn't have internet at all but I know I need it for school. He'd find another excuse to not spend time with her I think. He needs to grow up and accept responsibility. He doesn't even remember to pay the bills. I can't wait until we cancel the home phone and tv completely. We never watch it. If I couls feasably do it, I'd cancel the internet too. But he'd just play video games instead. I hate how lazy he is. But this is nothing new so I am not going to waste my time complaining about it. He used to be so much more fun before we had Michelle. He was a lot kinder also. It's a pitty how kids make a persons true colors show sometimes. If I were telling this to my mother in-law she would do what she always does. Make up excuses for him. She seems to have a way for that. For making up excuses for anyone she actually gives a shit about in fact. I will be relieved when Kyle leaves for the weekend. I need a break from him and his attitude. I'm tired of him treating Michelle as something that has to be constantly controlled. That's not what raising a person is all about. You have to nurture them and show them love and teach them lessons without YELLING at them constantly telling them to quit being a bad kid. That's just horrible parrenting. I don't get him. I don't agree with his parenting style. He needs to fix his way of thinking because I'm not raising our daughter the way he has been. It shatters her self confidence and makes her too nervous to try new things. If he was raised that way I see why he has no balls nor self confidence. I don't want to raise a child that way.  I WILL NOT. Anyways, I'm just waiting for him to get back from the store with my books and some food before I get a weekend to concentrate in peace for finals and my workshop this weekend.

  It's dead week. I recall in high school I am technically not suppose to have any homework this week. That this week is suppose to completely be dedicated to studying for my finals next week. Yet, I have found that not only do I have homework this week, but I have it in EVERY class. What's up with that? Somehow I have remained really calm through all of this. Most likely because I have my Labor Doula workshop beginning this weekend and because a dear old friend -Trista- just had her third child. Finally a baby girl for her. I am thrilled for her and her daughter is a gorgeous girl. Named Alice. Blonde too. What a beatiful early birthday gift for Trista. I am entriged by all of this Labor Doula information I am reading in the reading binder for that class. It gets me more and more excited every time I read the reading binder!!! The husband has work this weekend in Lincoln City allegedly. It depends if he can find someone to babysit Michelle or not. I obviously wont be home really because the workshops go all day long on Saturday and Sunday.
  My fifteen year old niece Ashley instant messaged me online this morning right after I woke up and said she didn't know what to do. It caught me off guard as I had just woke up and didn't know what she was talking about. Anyways, I'm a bit too lazy to type it and I have the IM window still open so I will just copy and paste as follows:
ashley.cutegirls.miller: Aunt Cheri I don't know what to do!
ashley.cutegirls.miller: Peachy keen!!!

Cheri: ?

What's going on?


ashley.cutegirls.miller: I broke up with my boyfriend and now a lot of people are ganging up on me for it!! :'( :'(


Cheri: Your relationship is none of their business. Why did you break up?


ashley.cutegirls.miller: He was more of a brother than a boyfriend. That's why!


Cheri: Then you did nothing wrong and if they're getting on your case about it tell them your relationship is none of their business and to but the fuck out.


ashley.cutegirls.miller: They said thier going to beat me up- for it though!!


Cheri: If they're getting violent or anything tell a teachre

They can

't harrass you for it. It's against school policy,

They can get expelled for it.

Trust me that's how I got expelled in middle school

different situation but same concept

I can call the school if you need me too if you're too shy


ashley.cutegirls.miller: But the thing is that the nurse, principle are already involved! :'( :'( :'(


Cheri: How so?


ashley.cutegirls.miller: They're worried about a whole different subject!!


Cheri: ? O.o that's wierd


ashley.cutegirls.miller: And either way I'm going to get beat up after school!!

:'( :'(


Cheri: Hold on

ashley.cutegirls.miller: What?

Please don't get involved!!


Cheri: Honey don't worry about it.

Trust me everything will be fine!!

Oi high school huh?

You have like two more years of all of this shit till you're done with it completely. You'll look back and will be in utter disbelief of how stupid some people are.


ashley.cutegirls.miller: Yeah right!


Cheri: Sweety you came to me because you were scared, what did you really want me to do?


ashley.cutegirls.miller: IDK!! :'( :'(



Cheri: It's okay everything will be fine trust me.

I promise.



Anyways, around the time I said hang on to Ashley I called my sister. She's pulling Ash out of school early today because she has no other choice because she has to pick up Cloe and Ray around the same time Ashley gets out of school today. I hope Ashley doesn't hate me for it but what else could I have done really? I live about a half hour away driving on a good day from Ashley's high school and also I'm not on the release form to pick up Ashley from school. Plus it's not my place really. :-/ I hope that everything is going to be okay with her. I know it will eventually but what a silly thing for people to threaten to beat a teenager up over. I mean really.  -_-

 Ms. Michelle is three years old. It's crazy to think about really. I also had the realization that it's almost been four years since Kyle and I met. That's an odd thought.
 Michelle had a really fun birthday party. I personally didn't take any pictures. I know that my mother inlaw and Mary did though. So that's cool by me. A day or so before Michelle's party I got these disposable buffet style serving heating tray that originally were bought to be used at our wedding so I decided to make homemade pesto pasta along with roasted veggies. I decided on this because I thought some of the adults may not want sugary cupcakes to eat. The pesto pasta was a huge hit. My sister and her family were able to come this year. I am glad that they did. Ray, my nephew seemed to be having a bad day and was acting out and being rude. He can't really help it though because he was a drug baby and has many developmental issues. At one point he was tormenting my cat and frightened him pretty bad. My older brother Ryan didn't make it to Michelle's birthday party. Neither did my dad, Hilary, Ruth (though the boys did come for a few minutes), Raeanne, or Mo & Joe. Elizabeth obviously didn't make it either since she just had a baby about a month ago. I was sick and zombie like for the entire party. Kyle stayed in the dinning room socializing like he always does when we have a party of any kind rather than focusing on Michelle where he should have been. He's been on my nerves all fucking day. Yesterday too. Especially yesterday. He always seems to be confrontational whenever his mother is around. Like he's trying to prove he's a man or something. It's really fucking dumb. Anyways, I am sick and don't feel good  and I need to do homework today before I tell Kyle something.